Favourite bits from Old Bill - episodes, one-liners or pics

[robsamcook]

PC Able getting a tongue lashing from Sgt Cryer in The Old Men's Run

I'm going to get nightmares now! 

[robsamcook]

Watched 'Save The Last Dance for Me' from 1988, Dashers and Ackland in the dance studio was hilarious! 

[Roxanne]

That was indeed an excellent episode, Rob. I loved the episodes with Dashers and Ackers featuring - they made a good couple (professionally speaking).

IMO that's another reason the very early Bills were better than later ones - lots of cop-work and personal, but not sexual (apart from poor old Ted Roach and his wayward willy) relationships. Far more realistic than everyone having it off with each other all the time, as it became later on. About when I stopped watching it, by a strange coincidence 

[robsamcook]

Just seen Runaround, Yorkie in the pickup - classic!

Yeah, i agree Roxanne, the early days were a lot better though The Bill has just won a BAFTA tonight so it must be doing something right!

[Roxanne]

From BEAT CRIME

Monroe decides to pay a visit to a local gun dealer, James Franklin, after Dashers tells him Franklin's been "not dodgy exactly, but...uncooperative" in an enquiry. "A snap inspection" as Monroe puts it "just to keep him on his toes."

Monroe: "I'm here to inspect your premises, stock and records to ensure that you are in compliance with the terms of your firearms licence."

Franklin: "But I've been inspected - only the other month."

Monroe: "Not by me you haven't!"

Monroe first checks the labels on all the guns, and asks Franklin to show him the register entry for one of them.

Monroe: "Is that a seven or a one?"

Franklin: "Seven."

Monroe: "Try to make your digits more clearly distinguishable." 

He then quizzes Franklin on security. Franklin says he has steel shutters, but Monroe's not satisfied: "Show me!" So they go outside and Franklin locks up all the shutters. As he's unlocking them again to go back inside, Monroe calls Sierra Oscar: "Notify the relief that Franklin's gunshop is about to test its alarm systems. All of them."

Finally they get back inside and Franklin shows Monroe his under-floor safe.

Franklin: "Well, is that it then?"

Monroe: "I'm not one hundred percent happy about that empty flat upstairs. They could have the floorboards up and break in here through the ceiling!"

Franklin, who's been remarkably patient (apart from the odd  ) during the inspection, finally loses his rag: "They could dress midgets up in frogman suits and shove them up through the s-bend in the bog!" 

It's also in this episode that Ted begins to suspect something's going on between Wray and June Ackland. He confides his suspicions to Burnside over a few snorts after the shift.

Burnside's delighted: "The one thing that's always gutted me about [Gordon Wray] is that he's such a bleedin' boy scout. I mean he's clean in thought, word and deed. You can't hold a sensible conservation on that basis. But a man who's going over the side...now that's a man I could do business with!"

Burnside adds, with his usual modesty: "And if he's cracked it with June Ackland, then he's a better man than I am. And that's saying something!" 

[jqwerty1]

I've just come back to TB after years of not watching and just started watching the DVDs. I originally started watching fervently around 1992, so all these eps are new to me and I had never appreciated what I'd been missing out on until now.

I'm slowly watching series 6 and I just watched Black Spot on a recommendation from this thread - thanks! I haven't got any specially funny bits to pull out, but I had to take a break from watching to say Burnside is absolutely amazing in every episode.

I was always a DCI Meadows fan, and he's still my favourite one, but Burnside is brilliant, isn't he? He seems to have such a good rapport with all the others, even the uniformers. His letting Tosh off in Black Spot, lying for him when he takes in the lodger and taking the troops on a "nice family outing" before Ken Melvin's funeral. Awwww. They'd better start releasing the rest of the old eps soon or my DCI might have competition...

[Roxanne]

I've just come back to TB after years of not watching and just started watching the DVDs. I originally started watching fervently around 1992, so all these eps are new to me and I had never appreciated what I'd been missing out on until now.

I'm slowly watching series 6 and I just watched Blind Spot on a recommendation from this thread - thanks! I haven't got any specially funny bits to pull out, but I had to take a break from watching to say Burnside is absolutely amazing in every episode.

I was always a DCI Meadows fan, and he's still my favourite one, but Burnside is brilliant, isn't he? He seems to have such a good rapport with all the others, even the uniformers. His letting Tosh off in Blind Spot, lying for him when he takes in the lodger and taking the troops on a "nice family outing" before Ken Melvin's funeral. Awwww. They'd better start releasing the rest of the old eps soon or my DCI might have competition...

Hi jqwerty1, welcome to the forum. Yes, Burnside's magnificent, but if you ever get a chance to watch the Really Old Bill, check out DI Galloway as well (lots of stuff about him on here). Those two are, IMO, the best two characters TB ever had, and they were both in the first 10 years of a 25-year show! 

[jqwerty1]

Thanks, Roxanne :-) I have been a lurker on this and the old forums for probably more than 10 years now, so it seemed like time to come and say hello!

I do like Galloway too, although I haven't seen all that many episodes of his yet. I have got a lot, though, so I'll get to him. I did like him in The Chief Super's Party, especially the scene in Brownlow's office where Roach is in trouble for drink-driving and Galloway gets the phone call from Dashwood to save the day just in the nick of time!

Another one I like much more on viewing the old eps is Conway. I'd always thought he was boring but he's not at all - I love his dealings with early Burnside, almost like a partnership, and he seems just as sharp.

[robsamcook]

The older old school characters were great - especially Conway, Roach, Burnside etc.
They just don't do them like that anymore!

[Matt Newham]

There a couple of good old school-style coppers still on the show.  Jack and Mickey both get the odd moment to indulge their historic selves, as do Smithy, Tony and occasionally Roger.  You must admit, though, the change does reflect changes to the police.  Remember Burnside in "Funny Old Business - Cops and Robbers"?  How many coppers these days could get a way with referring to their informants as "as much good as a one-legged man in an a***-kicking contest" - to their face?

[Matt Newham]

I've mentioned this line elsewhere, but I love the moment in "Burning the Books" when Cohen and Galloway simultaneously realise that one is after the other - leading to Galloway shouting "Cohen?!", right before a cut to Cohen shouting, "Galloway?!".  Love that bit!

[robsamcook]

Head Over Heels - the whole episode is a Graham Cole masterpiece!

[Chris]

Roach shows some dissatisfaction for his tea in 'Safe Place' (1990):

"This is an Arts Centre centre, right?  Making tea is an art.  It's not suppose to be some kind of punishment."

 

[ozkhan]

I know you originally asked for one liners, BUT two of the funniest episodes I saw with lots of comedy in them were:

The Fat Lady Sings (1998)

Twanky Christmas Special (1997) with Rod Skase in drag as The Widow Twanky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mysPaVFkjr4

James

[BobCryer1983]

Two of my favourite scenes:

1.10 Death Of A Cracksman

Having discovered a safe wired up with explosives (and cushioned with pillows) in a lock-up, DI Galloway sends Mike Dashwood out to tell the uniforms not to use their radios. But too late, as Jimmy Carver answers a call from the station, resulting in a huge explosion, and Galloway strolling out covered in feathers.



"What BLOODY IDIOT did that?"


1.11 The Sweet Smell Of Failure

DI Galloway and Sgt Cryer have an argument about CID using uniform officers for an operation without asking for permission.



Of course, Galloway gets his way in the end:



"Superstars 1, Woodentops nil."